Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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