omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Randomize
