I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize