Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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