Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
