dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
