I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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