As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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