How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
