Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
