Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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