if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
