fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
