so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
is wine microwaveable?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
