I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize