how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
