We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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