it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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