You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
