I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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