This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
