I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
