he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
