Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
