don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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