four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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