i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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