I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I understand Curling. That high.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
