it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Boobs are out for the taking
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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