i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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