and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
