they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
