I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
