i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
