I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize