If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i think i just lost a toe
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
