Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Enjoy the penises
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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