So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
