We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize