Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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