everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
