he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
