Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
