can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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