idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize