I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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