true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
