Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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