I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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