I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
