:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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