please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
