It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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