Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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