i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
