I heard we made out
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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