Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
