Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
