hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
