hell yes lets make some ravioli
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
