Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
