So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
