Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
