My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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