She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize