I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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