His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
