haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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