I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
