Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
