hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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