True but thats because hes a fetus.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
